Cape Town

In a bit of a Situation at the moment . I dont know what to do or how I'm ment to feel about it.

At the beginning of this year my friends and myself all went our separate ways and moved forward with our lives. Most of the guys who have been like brothers to me left Durban and moved down to Cape Town . They started attending Stellenbosch and The University of Cape Town while I stayed here in Durban . I didn't get accepted to university and obviously wasn't able to go . The friends that stayed all went to Varsity college wich is in the same city but i hardly saw them and that hurt like a knife through the heart.

I was really sad for a long time and started to hate Durban . I hated everything about it , the people , the lifestyle , the way it looked and the memories that it held for me.I hated it all . When it came time to start college i promised myself that i would not get attached to anyone so that there would be absolutely nothing to stop me from moving to Cape Town.

My friend Stuart ,who is currently living in Cape town and myself had a plan that we were going to move in together and live like we did when we were younger and when i was happiest. I even put a poster up on the inside of my door saying "im going to Cape Town " - positive thinking . I have been looking forward to it for the whole year . I could see that Cape Town would the solution to all my problems , i would be back with my friends and i would no longer feel lonely ...

Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world.....

I was so set on it. I was going to move and that was that . Things have changed over the last 3 odd weeks. The First thing i realized was that if i were to transfer i would have to break into a new crowd who had been there for a year already , they would have already formed their own groups of friends and i would not know anyone.
The second thing that came to mind hit me while i was sitting outside our cafeteria. I was sitting with a group of friends and i thought to myself "these are the guys that matter at the moment" these guys are the same guys that my parents refer to all the time , The friends that they have from student days .
These could be the friends that i keep for a long time to come .
I am apart of something here. These guys are my new friends . My new group . I dont want to leave these guys.

I have met new people , Awesome friends . I have met people that are special to me apart from those awesome friends . I know that i will miss these people and they will miss me. I dont want to leave them behind like my old friends left me.

I dont really want to leave now, i have become attached . I feel bad for letting Stuart down , For letting my Cousin and Aunt down and for letting Jurgen and Jason down . That is the only thing stopping me from staying here.

At the same time , my real friends will want what is best for me . Cape Town isn't going anywhere. I can move at a later stage in my life . Cape Town isn't the be all and end all . I can move out of my home and into somewhere in Durban , thats what i was wanting to do ... The fact that it isnt Cape Town is irrelevant.
I want to go to Cape town eventually , i dont have to go now . Whats the rush?
Its still to early to rule out moving altogether but i do find myself changing my mind about it . I was so set on it and now not so much.

A special person told me that i mustn't waste my time worrying about what it but rather just relax and know that when the time is right i will know what is best for me. Thats what i'm going to do .